I wish I was the kind of girl who would jump in and happily hand wash a dish when it was huge and wouldn’t fit in with the dishwasher load, but I’m just not.
Nope. Not about that life.
Should be. But. Just. Can’t.
So, since most everything goes in the dishwasher, I let this be one of the last switches I’ve made for our family, and now that I see how easy it is and how terrible the “good” options are that I bought, I’m (per usual) annoyed at my learn-the-hard-way lifestyle.
The snow day Monday, Steve stayed home from work and couldn’t play with the kids at all or come near me because he was feeling so bad. This was a bummer, but boy oh boy did we have quite a week in store for us. This was truly the calm before the storm.
Tuesday was another snow day, and I did have such a great morning with Cohen, but then it was off to the hospital with Hudson for an I.V. and an injection.
This radioactive substance attached to the Neuroblastoma in his body and let us know, head-to-toe, where everything was for sure.
We finally made it home and Steve was feeling sick still. He went on a run to get some medicine, but never made it there because there was a pipe burst in our rental property.
A pipe burst near the water heater causing it to dump its entire contents and everything it was trying to refill onto the ceiling causing it to cave in.
All flooring on the first floor, the entire ceiling on the first floor, counters and cabinets in the kitchen must be replaced.
While I was on the phone with the insurance, I had Hudson screaming wanting to nurse, Cohen grabbing my hand to play, and Hattie dropping a ball on my lap to throw. All in all quite a stressful evening, I must say.
Oh yes, and earlier that day I realized Hudson is losing his hair.
Chemo will do that, and we totally expected it. So, I took some pictures before it started falling out to celebrate and remember the hair he was born with.
We also did a little at-home hair cut the day I found the first of it in his bed and some that came out in my hands.
After crying for quite a while, I called my sister, who had these simple yet all too true words of wisdom, “He may be losing his hair, but if you didn’t have this treatment you’d lose Hudson.”
Talk about perspective.
So, I gathered myself up after mourning the beautiful hair I was so (foolishly) proud of and decided to celebrate it instead.
Though I feel good about everything, I will admit I even shed tears writing this and looking at the pictures, still. I don’t know why this one little thing is so hard for me.
Most babies don’t have this much hair anyway, and it will grow back, but for some reason it strikes such a spot in my heart and makes me ache every time I think about it or more hair is left behind on his sheets, carseat, or my shirt.
That was the hair he came into this world with. It was such a wonderful day, and his hair was quite the topic of conversation as I was delivering him. I just remember how beautiful my baby was upon entering this world almost four short months ago, and I guess I’m selfishly not quite ready to give that up. Stupid, I know, but it’s the (ugly) truth.
Hudson came out of the scan and nursed like a champ. That night at home, however he was not able to get milk from me.
This was so upsetting. My mom went to make a bottle of my frozen milk for him, and I had to leave the room because he will refuse a bottle if he can see, hear, or smell me at all.
I went into my room, laid on my bed, and sobbed. I was just so drained emotionally from the day, from what was to come Thursday with chemo, and I just fell down on the bed and let it all out.
I think I needed to. Doing all of this by myself at the hospital, I have to hold everything together, and I’m glad in a way that I finally had something that made me release those emotions.
Then, I got to thinking about what I had eaten that day with all the stress and being at the hospital had brought. About 500 calories.For the entire day.
I wiped my tears away, ran downstairs and started grabbing the best foods I could to replenish my supply. I pumped that night around 10 so my body knew I still needed to produce milk, and by morning we were back in business.
Thank goodness this happened with my second baby, so I knew how to process what was happening, and I didn’t think I was just drying up! Thank you, Lord!
Thursday morning we were back in the clinic for a full day of chemotherapy. This was Hudson’s second round, and this day made everything else we had been through (and would go through in the next couple days) totally worth it.
Dr. Dole told us the following news: Hudson’s tumor has gotten considerably smaller, his genetic testing all came back favorable and low-risk, and Hudson will have a normal life expectancy! Tears of joy! Thank you, thank you thank you, LORD!!!
Such a beautiful Thursday, but we would quickly realize, tough times were not quite finished in the Marshall house.
Friday, Steve took both he and Cohen to the doctor. The night before, while in the middle of hourly diaper changes, Steve told me he was just so cold. His temperature read 101.7. I grabbed Tylenol and a half hour later it read 103!
Got the Motrin, but fifteen minutes later it read 105.1! I was so scared. He was shaking and shaking, Hudson needed me, and Cohen was coughing so hard in the next room, I just knew he had something, too.
With help from a sweet friend, who is a nurse, we chugged some Rehydrate and brought his temperature down to where he could finally sleep. The doctor says it’s an infection possibly sinus or bronchitis.
Our babysitter has a sinus infection, and Cohen tested positive for the flu after waking with his own 102 temperature.
Hudson and I took to the nursery with the air purifier and camped out in there for a few days. The hardest part is seeing Cohen (with a mask on and changing my shirt every time I come in contact with him, which isn’t that often) and not being able to help my baby at all.
And all of it…no matter how stressful, how tough, how emotional; all of it I’d do all over again for moments like this.
Thank you, Lord that we will raise these brothers together as it should be. We praise You for this beautiful gift!!
-Wonderful genetic testing!!!
-Loss of more nodules!!
-Growing and gaining weight!
-Family and friends who leave food on our doorstep and in our infusion room, call with concern, text with love, and rejoice along with us!
-Wonderful jobs for Steve and myself that are so good helping us still through this
-Amazing doctors who go above and beyond. Dr. Kim Kohsla and Dr. Dole are a Godsend.
-Sweet Anna, who we prayed for last week, is home safe and recovering…thank you, LORD!!
-Chemo. last Thursday will knock the tumor down even more!
-Wonderful bloodwork this Thursday
-Steve, Cohen, and Ruthanne (our babysitter) get healthy enough to be around Hudson by the doctor’s Wednesday estimate
-Me going back to work (still nervous a little!) Tuesday
-Hudson and I do NOT catch any of this sickness!
I write to you today almost nine years exactly from the day I decided to live for the Lord, and there are some things you should know.
1.) Reading scripture is essential.
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
This is something I didn’t really understand until I began Bible study. To read, study, dig deep into what the Lord has left for us to live our life by is huge.
Every day, in big and small ways, we need Scripture.
One way to do this is to have a go-to every day. This is an app I have on my phone that serves me well.
It’s easy to personalize with different devotions, and I can even link up with friends who have the app.
2.) Community is Biblical.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
Being a homebody who can sit and read for hours without socially interacting with anyone, I fought this one hard.
It wasn’t until I was urged by a friend and by Scripture that I began really being active in a community of Christians.
It’s been unbelievably special.
Our Bible study meets Wednesday nights, and we have something called House Church every other Sunday evening. It is basically a family study where the kids learn a lesson and play while the adults discuss a study or the sermon after we’ve had dinner together.
It’s a lot of Jesus in our life.
It was a big change, but it was so very worth it. If you’re unsure of where to start, your church elders can lead you into a community of believers.
3.) His mercies are new every morning.
As a new Christian, it can be overwhelming how great our God is. How He loves. How He lives.
This verse can help us:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Each day I need His mercies. I have to pray,”Lord help me be better than I was yesterday.”
This hope is what keeps me going. That we don’t have to live in fear of never measuring up to Jesus.
Jesus died on the cross so we can have a new start. Be forgiven. Washed as white as snow.
Live there. Keep taking in that while we will not ever be as perfect as Christ, we can be forgiven, dust ourselves off, and try even harder the next day.
4.) This is the path less traveled.
This will not be easy. In fact, it is written
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
They hate me? Because I am a follower of Christ?
For lots of reasons I both do and don’t understand.
Either way, like Peter writes about living in exile, it’s just the way it is.
It’s hard because for the most part, we like being liked. So when someone hates us, makes fun of us, casts us aside because we live in a way they don’t understand, it will be hard, new Christian.
Put on the suit of armor. It is a battle, but take heart. It’s the only one really worth fighting.
5.) This is a relationship.
Jesus longs for you. To be with you. To talk with you. To listen to you.
Just like any other relationship, in order for it to work, we have to show up. Every single day.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
With a childlike excitement He hopes I follow through with my promise to pray, study, and come to His feet each day.
I don’t want to let Him down.
He died for me! No one else in this world loves me like that.
What is the only way I can reciprocate that love?
By loving Him back. Showing up. Playing an active role in my relationship with Him.
Instead of feeling guilt when I sleep longer than my alarm or when I go a couple of months without starting my day in the Word, I pray, “Lord, help me put You first.”
I can do nothing without Him. I can do everything with Him.
New Christian, this is a journey. But this walk you will take is full of more rewards than you can even fathom right now.
Take this scripture and envision yourself each day as you are tempted to live your life outside of the Lord.
Arm yourself, sisters and brothers.
Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, …