Grace Blossoms

Weep with Me

You're never alone in this world through times of trouble and suffering because the Lord hears your cries and will weep with you.

Weep with Me

It baffles me when I look back on my life’s struggles through this new lens; that He should weep with me.

In times of sorrow, confusion, pain. When things fell apart.

Jesus was weeping with me.

Never Alone

I knew I wasn’t alone.

I felt Your hand holding me up.

Pulling me out of bed.

Making me put one foot in front of the other.

I knew You were with me, but I didn’t see you weeping. 

When You Were There

As I curled into a ball lamenting my lost babies.

As I prayed fervently over my tiny newborn, fighting for his life, and begging for Your strength.

As I shouted at You at the end of my driveway angry at how I felt You’d turned against me.

What I See Now

I knew You were there, and I trusted Your presence, but I never knew You were weeping over Your child as I suffered.

That is a grace and a love poured out I cannot even fathom.

You are so so good to me.

You care for this heart.

I love You, Jesus!

Thank You for never leaving my side, and for weeping when I weep.

I knew You were my strength and my comfort; I just never realized until now that You were truly in the trenches right alongside me every day.

Count it Joy

It takes a complete understanding to weep over someone as they face a trial.

But of course You did. There’s no place I have stood You’ve not already been.

I am overwhelmed by Your love, and I weep tears of joy as I jot this down as fast as I can shortly after the realization of it all.

How you could be a strength and shield and comfort and holding my hand crying Your own tears of anguish…I’m in complete awe at the Truth of who You are.

You amaze me with Your unbelievable goodness and grace.

Oh, Lord, You are so so good to me.

You're never alone in this world through times of trouble and suffering because the Lord hears your cries and will weep with you.
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Abound

I found myself confused about how I got there: Afraid.

Read more

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Grace Speaks

No matter the struggle you endure, no matter the time in your life, look to God and listen to what He says you are. Listen because grace speaks.

Grace Speaks


“Give yourself a year’s worth of a lot of grace.”

I heard these words come out of my best friend’s mouth about me leaving my job of the last 11 years to be a stay-at-home-mom.

In my head it didn’t make sense. I’d have all the time in the world. Literally.

I was in for a rude awakening.

Learning Curve

All those things other people chipped in to help with when I was teaching like laundry, vacuuming, dishes, childcare, errands became my new time crunch.

And on top of it, because I was a stay-at-home-mom, I felt the need to jump into the PTO, take on a new business to help out with finances, and pitch in more with our non-profit. 

On its own, motherhood within the home is a huge job, but add in all those extra features to it, and here I am feeling confused and lost like a fish out of water.

No schedule. No “This happens now” and “That happens then.”

Just time.

The Stuff

And stuff.

And in that “stuff,” no matter what it is, it is so easy to get distracted and land in this place of confusion and disappointment.

The kids aren’t getting enough of my attention. I didn’t make that call. I missed that appointment. The house isn’t clean as it should be. The laundry isn’t caught up. The blog hasn’t been written lately. I haven’t worked out in months. I’m behind on Bible study. I. Am. Such. A. Failure.

I am floundering, it’s true, but I’ve got one thing that keeps lifting me up. 

Jesus.

Never Alone

I’m not wandering aimlessly.

Best of all, I have a purpose and a calling.

I can lean on Him as hard and as often as I need to.

Lord, what have You put in front of me today?

This pile of laundry? A game of Sorry with my four-year-old? A random blog post You put on my heart in the middle of loading the dishwasher?

Then I consider it joy.

Because it is so unbelievably easy to see it as being scattered or lost or even failing. 

But all I needed was a little perspective and a big reality check, that came in the form of advice from another wonderful friend.

Perspective

Reality: Satan saw an opportunity to chip away at my heart, and I let him.

Satan says:

  • I’m not good enough
  • Not worth it
  • Should do more than I can handle
  • I’m a failure
  • It’s okay to be lazy because being a mom is hard

BUT. JESUS.

Grace says:

  • I’m right where God has placed me after answering a six-year-long prayer.
  • Exactly what my family needs.
  • Have enough on my plate, and He will guide me.
  • Not alone.
  • Succeeding. Learning. Growing.
  • Pull strength from the Lord when being a mom is hard.
  • Trust that He is sufficient and His grace is enough.

I don’t have to worry.

I’m no longer a slave to fear.

For I am a child of a graceful, loving, peaceful God.

Amen.

No matter the struggle you endure, no matter the time in your life, look to God and listen to what He says you are. Listen because grace speaks.

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Ally.

Nowhere else in this world will you ever find an ally like you will in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because there's nowhere He hasn't stood.

Ally

There’s nowhere we can go in this world where we will find another human being that has lived the exact same situations as us. An ally who totally and 100 percent gets it.

But we look, don’t we?

We love empathetic people because they’ve been there. Done that. Have insight.

If we are connected by friends and family, and we feel better.

Temporarily.

We are bandaged but not healed.

As Close as We Can Get on Earth

Why can’t someone who has had similar struggles heal our hearts?

Because even if we lined our situations up on paper, there would still be one big difference: this person isn’t us.

They don’t have our mind or our heart. They don’t have our past or our future.

Unfortunately, that still leaves us broken and unable, trying to pull everything together.

It’s frustrating because we are always so sure that if we can just find someone who “gets it,” we can start to move past whatever is hurting us.

I know how this goes, because I have lived it.

When I speak to other women who have experienced miscarriage, they too have lost a child. I am in the presence of a person who has felt the same loss, so we chat. Offering hope. Offering understanding. Sharing our stories.

Sometimes it just feels good to tell another person who has lived it.

Because God made us to join in fellowship, not live alone.

And it does feel vindicating when I hear her hardest part was right before the baby was taken, too.

That even though she knew her baby was gone, that she also laid her hand on her belly and wept like me for the thought of not having her baby be a part of her body anymore.

Like I’m not the only one.

Like she gets it.

It does feel a little better to hear it.

But for all the mothers I’ve spoken with, it never healed me.

Not completely.

It was good for me to know I wasn’t alone, but it most certainly didn’t change me.

My babies were still gone.

I still wasn’t raising them at home with my other two children.

My heart was still shattered.

I was still confused and broken.

Why can’t the empathy of another person fix everything?

Because there is only One who understands everything.

Only Jesus

When we’re feeling lost, hurt, lonely, afraid, worried, or broken, we do have somewhere to turn.

Someone who will not only empathize, but who will also heal us from the inside out.

I know it’s true because it’s happened to me.

To get me through the unbelievable pain of seeing our first baby’s heartbeat on an ultrasound and then losing it three weeks later.

That held me after learning our twins’ miscarriage possibly saved my life.

Who broke down anxiety over scans that the cancer in my youngest is gone for good.

I have felt it. I know it.

And so I want to give you these.

When you’re unsure where to look, here are Words from the Bible that explain why Jesus is your best ally.

And why, when you’re hurt, you can turn to Him above all else to receive complete and total healing.

1. Psalm 119:130

The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.

That’s how we feel when we’re broken, don’t we?

Raw and unsure and simple.

Looking for a reason. We’re unable to understand on our own.

The Lord shines light, over time, in big ways and in little, on every pain. Helps heal us through the process of leaning on Him for understanding.

2.) Psalm 119:169

Let my cry come before you, O Lord;  give me understanding according to your word!

When we’re hurting worse than we could ever imagine, we can cry out to God.

We can ask Him to give us understanding according to His Word.

I can attest that He will. He is always who He says He is. He never lets us down.

3.)Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

All it takes is opening our heart, and we can feel this very real, very present help.

The best way I can explain it is as an overwhelming sense of peace and clarity. Strength to face my problems because there’s an ultimate sense that I am not battling alone. Something I know couldn’t have come from anywhere else. It’s astounding and beautiful.

4.) Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.

This can be super difficult.

It is hard to trust someone we can’t see, especially if we don’t know Him. I get that.

However, if its come to the point where we don’t know what we’ll do if something doesn’t change, then we can open our heart to the Lord, and put our trust in Him.

Things will change. Not in our timing, but in His. So we are patient (or keep trying really hard…because it is difficult!). We keep trusting, praying, and going to the Lord, and we’ll start noticing things happening that can’t be explained any other way than by the God.

5.) Proverbs 3:19

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens

If He created the heavens and the earth in all its intricacies, then His wisdom should surely be what we seek.

To guide us.

To carry us through.

Why wouldn’t we go to the One who knows everything?

6.) Isaiah 40:28

Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

 the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

his understanding is unsearchable.

We faint. Grow weary. BUT with God, nothing is impossible, and so while we are weary, Jesus carries the burden.

We can’t even look for how far His understanding goes because it’s too far beyond what we can fathom.

As children of a Father, we look toward Him, because He knows this world, and he knows our hearts.

He loves and cares for us.

And in that we can find rest.

7.)Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Not only does God have all the understanding in this world and beyond, but he wants us to seek Him.

He wants us. You. Me. To come looking for him. To call out, “God, help!”

He wants to make our paths clear, to be a lamp to light our way. He tells us plain and simple, “Come to me.”

We don’t have to wonder if we’re enough or if we need to achieve something before we can lay our problems at His feet because He’s already invited us.

It’s a standing invitation to be with Him.

Invest in Your Relationship

When we show up. Take Him up on His offer…that is when we see—when we feel–change.

When we look at this, which is only a small sliver of how many times we are told to look to God, come to him, rest in him, it is clear that we have an unbelievably amazing ally in Jesus.

Always.

And this God of ours, he’s not only an ally here and there or only when you’ve been on your best behavior.

That’s not why He died on the cross.

He died for sinners. He died for you and he died for me.

Because He loves us.

All we have to do is let Him in.

Let Him fight for us, in us, beside us, and we will be stronger.

We will be in the army of all armies, being lead to true victory.

With this love, support, empathy, and understanding, we will be healed.

From the inside out.

Nowhere else in this world will you ever find an ally like you will in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because there's nowhere He hasn't stood.
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When I Thought I Was Alive

I had no idea what living was before March of 2008, but I thought I was alive, and learning the truth happened to change everything forever.

When I Thought I was Alive

Before March of 2008, I thought I was alive.

I was 25, engaged to my best friend, and looking forward to our life together with excitement.

Had friends, family, and a job I loved.

Had a home, I travelled, I had the means with which to live the life I sought after.

Thought I was alive.

Until I learned how to live.

Learning to Live

Freedom came to me when, as a visitor to my friends’ church, the pastor asked, “If God were sitting with you right now, what would be the first thing you would say to him?”

Though I counted myself a “good” person, my answer was “I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.”

I was shocked to my core.

Sorry about what? I challenged Satan challenged.

As I searched my heart for the answer, it became clear. I was indeed so very sorry.

In Need of a Savior

For thinking it was me who had it all under control.

Wanting control in the first place.

My mouth. Gossip. Disrespect.

My selfish life.

Judgement.

Knowing that I felt a stirring for God deep in my heart and doing nothing about it for four years.

Living in sin.

Being less than I knew I could be.

For all of it.

Overwhelmed

I was overcome by the feeling of all I’d done wrong.

I sat there, staring straight ahead at this man I didn’t know, asking this question I didn’t like the answer to, and I sobbed.

How could I ever make a life that was worthy of God?

He is far too grand. He is far too good.

How could he love a wretch like me?

But the next words out of the preacher’s mouth were not about condemnation.

They were not saying I needed to wallow in this mess I’d made, but his direction was clear.

I had to ask for forgiveness.  With my whole heart. Truly wanting to have my slate wiped clean.

So I Prayed

So I prayed.

When people share their experiences coming to know the Lord, it can feel a little weird to those reading it (Satan’s move).

So, when you hear what happened next, know that this is not made up.

This not something I’ve put into writing for some sort of personal gain.

It’s the honest and complete truth.

I felt myself being forgiven.

Cleansed

Washed as white as snow.

A clean heart created in me by the One who gave His life, so I could be there in that room being saved and found.

To have grace pour down on me.

I can’t really explain that feeling.

It was somewhat like how I felt when I got married seven months later, but not quite.

It was a little like how I felt when the nurse handed my babies to me, but not exactly.

What’s Next?

Going forward, I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I was going to do it exactly, but I did know two things:

  1. I was changed.
  2. I was alive.

Since then, I have learned that Christianity isn’t for the weak or the proud, nor is it easy by any stretch of the imagination, but that’s a different story for a different time.

This story is of God’s grace.

His mercy that fell on me, wrapped up this sinner, and held me close.

Even though life has handed us some serious curve balls since that day, boy am I glad I haven’t walked through it alone.

Never Alone

Going through this life with Jesus inside me and beside me is the only thing that got me through some of life’s hardest moments.

What I thought was living almost 10 years ago was nothing like the alive I am today.

The alive I’ve been given.

The alive I’ll inherit one day.

Praise God for His grace and mercy.

I didn’t deserve it, but You gave it anyway.

You gave it all so I could live.

And live I will.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Eek. 36:26)

I had no idea what living was before March of 2008, but I thought I was alive, and learning the truth happened to change everything forever.
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7 Habits You Need To Start Today

If you have ever been given God's amazing and beautiful grace, you'll appreciate these seven habits everyone should start today.

7 Habits You Need to Start Today

If you’ve ever been forgiven for something or loved even though you haven’t been the best version of yourself, you’ll appreciate these habits.

It’s the one thing any of us ever need to both give and to receive: grace.

This isn’t something that just happens. In fact, it’s quite purposeful.

There are habits that grace-giving people do each day, and because God’s grace is something we’re given, it only makes sense that we, too adopt the following:

1. Wake up enjoying Jesus

When I wake up it can be hard to think about enjoying Jesus.

To do anything more than obey my autopilot: shuffle into the bathroom, turn on the hot water, stand.

Beginning our day with a thankful heart is huge.

It can literally change our attitude, how we face our day, and what the outcome of that day actually looks like.

Once the fog clears, we can start enjoying Him.

Lord,

Thank You for my home. For my children. For a job that makes our life possible. Thank You for this day you’ve given me. I praise You for a hot shower. Thank You for a new day. A new beginning. A fresh start.

Even in the middle of a pile of heavy junk, Lord, I have a new start today.

Thank You for mercies new every morning. For Your grace that is so big and so deep and so freely flowing that I can receive Your love even when it seems like all the odds are against me.

Thank You for knowing more than me.

For seeing the big picture so I don’t have to. Thank You for this life and this day, and help me make choices that reflect Your love and grace in it.

Amen.

Beginning each day in prayer of thanks and even asking God for help with facing the challenges of the day, you open your life to His grace, and in turn are more able to spread that grace onto others.

2. Study the Word

It was a struggle for years thinking I didn’t need to do a Bible study.

Said that I knew what the Bible said, and I loved God. I was a good person.

My shallow view of studying the Bible only hindered my relationship with God, thus hindering my relationship with others.

Once I got over myself and became humble enough to think maybe I didn’t know everything (duh) my life began.

I start my day bundled in a chunky knit blanket with a cup of hot coffee next to me in the same spot each morning.

I curl up into my Bible study praying with an open heart that God will take these lessons, these words-His Word- and work it into my heart changing me to be more like Him. To give me something to dwell on and grow from within.

With each study, each page, each sentence, I learn little nuggets of what it means to be like Jesus, live like Jesus, love like Jesus, and I face my day thinking of Jesus.

We start our day with joy when we start our day with Jesus.

Joy opens our eyes to grace. It fills us with the ability to give grace to others.

Joy-filled people aren’t dishing out hate.

They’re giving love. Jesus. Grace.

Starting our day studying the Bible changes the face of our entire day and in turn shapes our entire life.

3. Sing Praise

This one is one of my favorite habits.

In fact, starting my day listening to a Christian radio station in the kitchen as I make breakfast for my family just reaches into my heart and sets me up for grace. I can’t help it.

Singing God’s praise, no matter how bad the morning or what kind of struggle I’m facing, rights my heart.

Really listen to the words and think about what God is trying to tell you about this Son of His that was given to us for our saving.

What He’s telling you about where you are right now and how to handle it. It’s all there.

In this experience of Jesus, you’ll start to even notice the songs that come on are just what you need. Just for you.

You’ll find yourself in awe of how big God’s love is for you.

When we belt out the tune and feel the tears welling up in our eyes from the overwhelming love of the Holy Spirit filling up our heart, we feel Jesus.

A heart full of the Lord breeds grace.

We feel His grace loving us even when we are unlovable. We turn that grace outward and love others through our day.

4. Pray through the Work Day

If we walk into work and face the negativity of the day’s tasks that bear their full weight on our shoulders, and we pray right when we think we can’t take it any more, “God, help!” we know Jesus right then and there.

When He comes along to pull us out of gossip and rudeness. To soften our hearts for our co-workers or a stranger on the phone, and we in turn give kindness when it isn’t deserved, we give Jesus. We give grace.

We’ve all had those days when we need something to pull us away from the negativity our environment throws at us. This is it, friends.

It’s a tried and true method.

It’s one of the biggest things that really solidified my relationship and understanding of just how powerful God really is.

Praying through your work day whether that’s in an office, in a field, or in the playroom with your children, you’ve got a mighty tool that can change how your heart views each situation and how your mouth reacts to it.

Your words are shaped by the truth of your heart.

If the truth of your heart is the Truth of who Jesus is (grace, love, patience, etc), then imagine what kind of a day you can have.

What kind of day you can give to others.

5. Speak Grace

If we come home to our spouse starting up again, bringing on old points of contention they know will lead to argument, and instead of fighting back, you pray, “Love is patient. Love is kind” to yourself, the result will knock you back a step or two.

When, instead of hate-filled, I-got-the-last-word spite, you hold your tongue, you’re speaking volumes.

You speak Jesus. You speak grace.

If you walk in the door and your children are arguing, your husband didn’t do that one thing you needed him to, and your dog just barfed in the floor all at once (because that’s just kinda how life goes sometimes), you choose how you react. Yelling and anger and accusatory speech makes the situation the same.

Grace makes the situation very different.

Because you’ve been with Jesus all day, your heart is different. You’ve walked into a mess, but you’re prepared mentally to handle it because it’s just another bump in the road of the day.

“God, help!”

Instead of yelling, you hug, you explain, you hold your tongue, you reach for thanks that you have a home and a crazy family and a loyal companion. You take a deep breath and turn to praise.

You give grace when you turn to Jesus.

Your home becomes more peaceful, situations diffuse more quickly, and you can give grace because all day long you’ve been giving and receiving grace.

And so, it just…fits.

6. Share Jesus

This one is tricky.

Not everyone wants to hear about your God. Or how beautiful His love is. Or what He’s done for you today.

In some situations, it’s perfectly natural to share that Jesus captivated your heart from the minute you opened your Bible that morning, but in others, it doesn’t feel like the right time.

And that’s okay.

When I’m met with these situations, I can’t help but think of Jesus meeting nonbelievers where they were.

He didn’t go in, guns blazing, knocking people over with a spew of judgement. He loved them.

Just simply, purely loved.

That’s how we give grace.

So, if you want to share the Lord, but you don’t know how, I can promise you two things:

1.) Judging, pushing, and acting holier than thou isn’t going to bring anyone to know God, sinner. None of us have it together. Even those who pray all day. We can’t. We need a Savior no matter which way we spin it, so just love. Love your heart out. Love like Jesus.

2.) Building a relationship with nonbelievers and believers alike and sharing how God works in your life from a place of humble praise is the only way to go. Acting like we had anything to do with our blessings is going to push others away from God, and that is just so not the point. Let’s love more and boast less.

Sometimes it takes showing others that we are empty without Love, that we are nothing without the Lord, and that because we are given His grace and mercy, we show it, too is all it takes to soften a heart toward the greatest gift we could ever give another human being.

Let’s love people with grace toward Jesus.

7. End the Day in Praise

Lord, 

Thank You for this day. For the opportunities, lessons, and people in it. Thank You for walking me through the tough situations and for holding me up when I needed it. For blessing me and for providing this life. Thank You for my inheritance as a child of God and for giving it all so I can have You. I love You.

Amen.

In a world that tries its hardest to point us toward justice, judgement, and spite, you can be a light.

But it’s an intentional thing. It doesn’t just happen. It’s an actual, gradual change.

How does this apply to you today?

Maybe you start with number 1 and practice that for a couple weeks. Waking up enjoying Jesus is a pretty great place to start.

And it only gets better from there.

What a relief to know that His grace isn’t something I have to earn, but instead something lavished upon me in His ultimate love.

To pass that on would make any day brighter.

Would make any world less cold.

Place grace above hate.

And be the change.

If you have ever been given God's amazing and beautiful grace, you'll appreciate these seven habits everyone should start today.
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Inexplicable Grace

The inexplicable grace from our Heavenly Father is something that goes beyond words, but rather is something to be very deeply felt.

Inexplicable Grace

If you’ve never been a parent, there’s no way I can possibly explain that kind of love. That kind of inexplicable grace.

I can use words. I can try, but I’ll never achieve the exact feeling. It’s just too grand.

I’d like to compare it to the love of a spouse because when you fall in love it’s intense. However, this too will never compare to the love of a child because it’s so different.

I could compare it to the love of a sibling. Especially if you’re an older sibling, who feels it’s your responsibility to care for the younger child, yet that child was not created for you. It cannot be the same. 

Fellow parents, why can’t we accurately tell this feeling?

I try so hard to explain everything else as a writer, and yet this one single thing I just can’t pinpoint.

Scratch that. Two feelings I can’t pinpoint.

Beyond Me

The love for my boys is something I never expected, It was overwhelming. It crushed me in a sense. I didn’t see it coming.

And yet, the feeling of God loving me is far greater than anything I’ve ever felt in my life.

There are no words.

To have a relationship. Receive the inheritance as His child.

How could this be? 

Because God’s love is inexplicably huge.

His grace and mercy reaches even the most lost of wanderers.

No Matter What

It doesn’t matter how far you go, no matter how loudly you shout to the world that He is nothing more than a mere Santa, who Christians have made up.

And no matter how you’ve said He isn’t listening or doesn’t care.

No. Matter. What.

Open His Word and you will see. You will feel.

The living Word of the Bible is full of His love.

Yes, for you.

It is true. There’s death, destruction, and sin at every turn, but only so we know how to live. This is the same as how we would warn a child, whom we love so much, not to wander into the street.

We are His children, and oh, how we wander.

Search and See

Search the Bible, read with an open heart, and you’ll be hit with this inexplicable feeling. You’ll be given what Christians are taught, breathe in, and are left in awe of.

Not a teaching on death, destruction, and sin at every turn. Not teaching on how to be better than everyone else. Or hate those who don’t love God.

But something more: how to love.

God’s word is really our road map back to Him. How to get back, so he can lavish his love on us. On you. On me.

Though we don’t deserve it.

Grace.

Upon grace.

Upon grace.

Oh, child. How He loves you. 

1 John 4:7

Dear Friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.

The inexplicable grace from our Heavenly Father is something that goes beyond words, but rather is something to be very deeply felt.
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The One Thing That Won’t Fit on Your To-Do List

The One Thing That Won’t Fit on Your To-Do List

Let’s take a different look at the to-do list.

It’s so weird, isn’t it?

How we call a “change of heart” something that refers to a sudden act.

Why did she end up going to the event?

She had a change of heart. 

Why didn’t you choose to accept the position?

Change of heart. 

Just like that.

One minute you think one way and then, with the snap of a finger, you’ve had this total heart change, and you’re thinking in a completely different way.

If only it were that simple.

Truth

As Christians we have come to know heart changes as some of the biggest transformations of our lives. And rightly so.

All God wants is our heart.

However, changing the way one’s heart feels changes our actions, our speech, our mental thought process.

This, unfortunately does not fit into the world’s description of a “change of heart.”

A Big Christian Struggle

One of the biggest struggles in Christianity is the waiting.

Oh, the waiting. Then the learning. Then the waiting some more.

Because God doesn’t work on our time clock or our will.

Thy will be done.

Not Andrea’s.

My Flesh Has a To-Do List

See, my flesh doesn’t like this so much.

Why?

I’m a planner. A checklist-er.

I have an end goal, and I either meet that end goal, or I will tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next week.

Whenever and however it happens, I know that it will all fit together. Nice and neat. Tied up in a little bow. Checked off my list with an immediate gratification.

Groceries-check!

Dishes-check!

Lesson planning-check!

Trust the Lord in all things——–

Trust the LORD

That’s a bit different. Let’s think: I know when I want it to happen: today, obviously. Okay, okay…maybe by the end of the week to give myself some grace. I do have a lot on my plate. Maybe I won’t get to all-out trusting by midnight tonight.

I know how I plan on making this happen: Bible study, prayer, accountability partner.

I set forth. Bible open. Journaling pens poised. Hands folded and head bowed.

I feel great about the work I’ve done during quiet time on day one. Maybe I’ll meet that midnight goal after all. God, thank You for working in my heart! I love you!

Two hours later, I’m at work, and I get a call about making Hudson’s next ultrasound appointment. My heart drops but only for a second. That familiar feeling of “what if”.

I start thinking about the day I can take off that works with my schedule.

I think about how he’ll react to going NPO (not eating until the ultrasound is over).

My mind wanders over to how that first ultrasound looked when we confirmed our baby had cancer. What did it look like again? It’s hard to remember now three years out. Best to try to remember  though, so I can watch the screen.

My heart flutters that familiar way it does every six months when I have to schedule the blood draw. The x-ray. Should I go for the x-ray? I hate the extra radiation exposure, but who am I to say I know more than Dr. Dole?

So much for that midnight deadline.

God, Help!

“God, help!”

I take a deep breath. My heart settles. I lean on Him again.

My heart hasn’t changed! But I felt so great about my time with God this morning!

What gives?

Why can’t I just check this off my list and move on? Even though I really want it with all my heart?

Because God’s not done working on me just yet.

Patience

He has lots of lessons. Lots of “Oh, I see…” moments just waiting for me.

To be perfectly honest, I both love and really really dislike this about walking the walk, friends.

I love it because I’ve been on the other side of a true heart change, and it’s huge.

Huger than huge.

It’s game-changing big and God reveals Himself in ways that knock me over.

I know what’s coming from Him is not just good but the absolute definition of awesome.

BUT.

Not Me But Him

I don’t know when. I don’t know how. I don’t know what I’ll have to endure to learn the lessons He knows are best for me.

I don’t have control over this situation, and just like that the belief floats away in the breeze, and I’m left bare, raw, and insecure.

The only way to overcome this is calling on Jesus. My Savior. My Redeemer. My King.

And then I realize something.

Instead of rolling through the list of how this is so unfair, and can’t God just see I have good intentions?  

Can’t He give me what I went for that morning during my quiet time with a pure desire to be better for His kingdom?

Can’t He just follow my timetable?

I realize that…simply put… it’s not about me.

And all about Him.

When I check off my to-do list, I’m the head of my life and my heart.

When I’m empty without Him and can do all things with Him, then and only then has He truly got my heart.

I Am Weak. He is Strong.

In my weakness He is strong. 

So, no. The life-altering heart changes won’t fit on that to-do list of ours, but it’s okay.

It’s more than okay. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.

To draw us nearer to God in our inability to take on His role. To bring us clarity in only ways He can do. To forever change our earthly life so we can better serve His kingdom in our forever home.

It takes surrender. It takes love. And it takes us on the journey whether we like it or not.

To learn the ultimate lesson: only when we stop grasping for what’s in our short sightedness and pray for eyes to see His path can we be changed.

Every hour. Every minute. Every second. I need You.

Praise God, how I need You!

AMEN!!

The one thing that won't fit on your to-do list might suprise you and is well worth your time to look into and see how it fits you.
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