I found myself confused about how I got there: Afraid.
I was gripped with paralyzing fear.
Fear to not spend. Fear to ask questions. Fear to talk to certain people.
Just fear.
I knew the point between Satan’s fear and God’s grace was prayer, so I opened my heart.
Lord, search my heart. Find the source of my fear and reveal it to me. Why am I so scared?
I kept getting ready for the day, looking at the scared girl in front of me and this song kept playing in my head over and over.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.
You’ve never failed.
And You won’t stop now.
Then it hit me.
If You never fail–never–then how can I not put every single fear in Your hands?
God, you literally never fail.
This is something I cannot even come close to grasping with my daily failures, so no wonder I forgot!
I’d be crazy to refuse the sure way.
If there’s a 100% chance of being fixed, saved, healed, and found, why wouldn’t I take that path?
I’d been so wrapped up in the emotion of fear overtaking me that I didn’t even see there was a sure way all along.
I wrestled with my own fears trying to overcome them on my own, knowing God was bigger, but not tapping into the one thing I always have–grace.
God’s grace would walk in front of me and make my path clear and straight.
Remember Moses? The uncertainty. The fear. Yet there was God. His cloud walking in front of him to keep him safe, leading him in the right direction, building his faith and his trust in our Lord.
I am no different except for One huge thing: my Savior has already come for me, and I have the promise of His return!
God has given me His strength as His Holy Spirit living within me, yet I’m just sitting here not using it?!
Pull yourself together, girl!
How do I put all of my problems at His feet?
In truth, I fumble through, but when I recognize it and get out of my own head I am finally able to just speak words like these:
Lord, it’s Yours. I cannot do this alone. I’ve definitely proven that. I’m sorry I didn’t come to You sooner…Lord, take this from me. You never fail. You won’t start now. I trust You with this issue, and I release it from my concern because You, who spoke the world and heavens into existence, can surely handle my tiny problem by comparison.
And then, any time it tries to sneak into my thoughts, I give it over to Him again.
And again.
As many times as I need until it truly has no hold on me any more.
For this particular concern, there were physical earthly decisions I also had to make, so I want to be clear that I’m not giving up decision making and letting life just fall apart weirdly, tossing my hands up in the air and giving up.
Quite the opposite.
Because I release the worry and fear, I am powerful.
God took those sins, and I can fully cast my cares on Him.
Each decision. Each word from my mouth. Each thought that crosses my mind.
I can put them before the Lord and ask for Him to make it clear.
The feeling of fear, anxiety, worry–those are never of God.
So I know when I am overcome with fear that it is Satan very carefully planning his attack on me, and I won’t allow it.
I simply won’t have it.
I will pray, leave my cares in His hands, and I will open my eyes. I will pray for peace in every decision.
And every single time, without fail, He comes through.
Praise God for Your abounding grace!
