There’s this thing that happens.
When you know Jesus and have given your life to Him. When you open His Word, there’s this thing.
You can’t possibly avoid it, though you won’t see it coming.
Something orchestrated just for you.
Times line up. Scripture stands out. People walk in. Sermons fall into your lap.
All at once. All around you falls from Heaven the breathing, living Word of God, and it strikes your heart hard and fast. Things add up and you can’t believe you didn’t see it this whole time.
Sin.
Friends, I want to confess that I have been disobedient.
God has called me to write for Him. To share His gospel and give the beautiful and wonderful life to others that comes from knowing and loving Jesus Christ.
But I had other plans.
I got wrapped up in doing, cleaning, working, playing. Texting, messaging, creating, dreaming. Doing anything and everything that made better sense for my life here on Earth instead of storing up my treasures in Heaven.
And while these temporary fixes have been fruitful at a glance, deep down they have actually been quite fruitless.
Following God’s plan takes time, but I’m impatient.
I’ve written about this before, so you’d think this would be a lesson learned. That I’d always apply it, but it’s one that is just such a struggle for me: God’s timeline in Heaven is different from Andrea’s timeline on Earth.
While I’m plugging away, taking stabs in the dark at how to run my life, I get quick answers here and there.
Of course God’s timing takes longer. He’s not stabbing at anything. There’s no guessing.
He is methodically and perfectly planning.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and future.”
He is operating in a light so bright it even shined into the darkness I cast upon my heart, awakening me.
Here are two things I want to make clear.
- I had a small glimpse of my sin, but forced myself to ignore it. I’d put my Bible away and insisted I was too busy to study the Word for the past few months.
- The light shined through the minute I opened my Bible, and even as I write this to you now big lessons are being learned.
Here’s how it all went down:
I opened my new Bible study on Philippians and read through its entirety. Immediately Phil. 2:5-8 stood out. I had no reasoning. It was just amazing to me.
Jesus was in the form of God, yet He didn’t count Himself equal to God. Instead, He emptied Himself and was obedient to the point of death on a Cross.
It even said the word “obedient” in the scripture, and I still didn’t get it!
Then the second day, I was to write down everything I noticed about Paul, the author of Philippians.
One of my observations was that Paul wanted to encourage the Philippians to strive to live like Jesus, who was obedient, because, well- look where He ended up-the Name above all names!
Still, I didn’t get it.
Then a friend shared a sermon on our House Church page. I immediately clicked on it and began listening because from the minute the men in our House Church started talking about it weeks and weeks ago, I weirdly yearned for it. Thought about it. Couldn’t stop wondering what was so interesting in that sermon.
I even Googled and listened to the preacher give a different sermon trying to find what they were talking about. I didn’t know why I wanted to hear it so badly, but I do now. God was working in me and nudging me toward this moment.
This moment He drew me back in, closer to Him. Brought me back where I belong.
As I was listening to the sermon on obedience, I was struck. Wow, yes I could definitely be more obedient. Yes, I prayed for God to help me in my obedience last night. Yes, this all kind of started to be a little odd, but then…
The sermon pointed right to Philippians 2:5-8. Jesus’s obedience.
He talked about how we really have two options: sin or obedience.
Foolishly, I thought I was handling my disobedience on my own.
It started out small.
I won’t write today, but I’ll write tomorrow.
I didn’t write this week for God, but I’ll get to it next week. I just need to structure this new stay-at-home mom thing better and to work on more balance.
I didn’t write this month, but once I get my business going, I’ll swing back around.
Then God started dropping some seriously loving sticky notes on my heart.
Bringing in the groceries I was hit with something I had to write about. I felt it-the urge to write. I don’t know how to accurately describe it except to say that it was almost like a pressing from the inside forward. Right then. Go!
I kept putting away groceries.
Folding laundry right next to my computer, I felt it again. Go!
I kept folding while another idea was revealed, the lines writing themselves in my mind.
And a dozen other times again and again I disobeyed.
Father,
You brought me home to my boys. You answered my six-year-long prayer. You worked in my heart and taught me and readied our hearts and our pocketbooks to be ready for this desire to become a reality.
You put this book on my heart. You even outlined it for me. You gave me time, grace, more time, love and grace, and I disobeyed.
If I were my own children, I’d be in time-out awaiting my punishment.
I’m so sorry.
God, Your love for me is unbelievable. In Your infinite wisdom, You created these scenarios to line up in a way that would lead me back to You.
I am overwhelmed by Your grace.
Lord, make Your desires my desires. Give me words. Teach me through Your Word. Grow me in a way that serves You, that leads me away from sin and toward You.
God, help me love others through the words that I write. Help my book lead others to see Your crazy-huge love and grace. To see that it blossoms over time-Your time, and that Your grace is something to be desired. So that one day, we can be right beside You with our treasures stored up in Heaven forever and ever.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for loving me more than I understand. Please help me in my discipline in writing for You. In my trust that You have a plan I don’t see, and it will all come together when it will because You already know when, how, and why I need to write.
Lord, I pray the glory goes to You and You only.
I love You and I need You, every waking hour.
In Your sweet heavenly Son’s Name I pray,
Amen.
